Aurgh - how to detox from a person you love. How to escape the agony - the loss - the sorrow - the anguish. How to stop the random thoughts of "I miss you," "I love you," "where are you?" as they replay over and over and over and over. How to stop looking for their face in everything. How to stop seeing their name. How to stop the bleeding of one's soul. What kind of surgery can fix this? What kind of person did this? Who signed me up for this?
Still - an emptiness in my stomach, and my head hurts. So tired. What is this? Why is this? Is this heart sickness? Has this happened before? Was I so angry that I could push away the pain? Is this the sorrow without anger? Unexpected tears mixed with the joy of knowing? What is this?
Right now - I've nearly done my first payroll entirely on my own, with a minimum of stress. The adult collections are nearly done, or well on their way, and all the appropriate furniture has been moved. I'll soon be picking out furniture (or finalizing it, more like) for the new teen section (as soon as the bequest check arrives). It's been such a long first day without you. Even so, it's been good...productive.
I miss you.
