So, I was gonna email...but I couldn't. Something in my spirit said, "Not yet. Not today." This morning has been better. I think it's been better because God's given me a promise. Of course, it'd be nice to get those promises on a voice recording or signed affidavit, but I'm sure you understand. Sometimes, we just know.
A few things. A couple days ago, as I was listening to a sermon about Jesus being the bread of life, the speaker was bringing out a point about manna. God sent the manna each morning, and it was only good for that day. If a person went out at noon, the manna was gone and they were going hungry for that day. I've always wondered why we're encouraged to meet with God in the morning through Bible study and prayer. This is perhaps the best and most concise reason I've ever heard. If we miss the manna in the morning, we're going hungry for the rest of the day. If I don't meet with God...if I don't seek out Jesus in the morning, I'm going to be hungry for the rest of the day. Just imagine going for a week or a month or a year...without meeting Jesus...without getting our bread of Life. No wonder, when we forgo our quiet times, we feel empty and maybe even dead. We're starved.
So, I was driving to work, listening to some of my angry music. I wasn't angry, but sometimes it's better to let someone beat you to the scream. Then, I moved to something a little more actually worshipful...and still the Spirit was prodding me...reminding me - meet Jesus; this is your food for the day; come eat the bread of Life. So, I switched on the next sermon - John 8. I've not gotten through the sermon, but as I was listening and pondering the nature of Jesus, I was reminded of his temptation after fasting for forty days...and the significance of being away from you at this time of the year - during this time leading up to Easter and Passover. Forty days from when I was awakened to send you that email - it will be the end of Easter and the midst of the Passover week. I don't know what, if any, significance lies in that - except that this is just a season of fasting. I don't know what will happen after it - whether there will be temptation or what. I just know this is from God...and I love you...and I'm glad and encouraged because of both of those things.
I'll miss you today - but not forever - and not because I'll be forgetting or because feelings will be ending. Thank God we're not left alone on this journey.
~ It's 12:30 p.m. EST / 5:30 p.m. GST - I. Miss. You. This always marks the end of part of my day, and when I see you (unfortunately for you), it's a time to decompress a little. I'm sorry for decompressing right at the same time that you are done with your work day. I know it's unfair.
Today, there is a woman who is dead set on telling me/us how to approach collection development of our addictions section. Part of my job is to engage people warmly and with interest. Must I engage people warmly and with interest even as they're telling me that they know more than me just because they're passionate about that topic....even though they may have no concrete suggestions? (My staff thinks this woman is high even as she's talking about addictions. Poor thing.) Today, there is also a woman who drives the Amish about...and who allowed an Amish family to borrow books on her card...a family that swears they returned the books....books that are not on any of shelves. "Might someone have stolen them off the counter?" No, I'm sorry. Nobody steals a bag full of Bobbsey Twin books. They don't even steal the good books. DVDs, yes. Those get stolen. Books, no.
Today is also the day when I have to make sure payroll is done correctly - not only so that people get paid, but so that I get monies sent to the right state and federal agencies on time...and in the accounting system correctly. Maybe when I've done it a few more times, it won't be so stressful, but by the time I finish I sincerely feel like crying because I'm terrified of messing it up. Absolutely terrified.
On a positive note, however, I bought paint yesterday - a couple tubes. Yes, one was Alizarin Crimson. It's surprisingly hard to find in acrylic, but because I started painting with oil paints...and it's a standard oil color, that's the color I want...not some knock off hue. I also got some portrait pink...which is a knock off hue ;-). It saves a lot of good white, though. I also got a bottle of gloss medium. I know this is like a shopping list, and it's meant to be. If you decide to paint in the future, hopefully you'll have some foreknowledge from these boring comments. Since, you'll not be reading this until later (if ever), I'll also be posting progress pictures of both your painting and work in the library. Okay....yeah. Back to the bookkeeping.
~ 2:41 p.m. EST / 7:41 GST - Only one more thing to figure out on this payroll thing. I'll not have the energy to do more bookkeeping when this is done. The work we've been doing in the library is beginning to show very nicely, and I've gotten bids from two contractors for the lights. They're pretty far apart in price, but both are within my mental cost range. Thank you again for helping me put together the bid packet. I can't wait to show you what it looks like when it's finished.
~ 3:47 p.m. EST / 8:47 GST - Every time I look up and see that someone has emailed or commented or just made an appearance, I want it to be you. I have to remind myself that it was me that chose to not see you. "This was my choice." Sometimes, I wonder at my choosing abilities.
